keep_counting | Fic: Tweet Me, Baby (Sherlock BBC)

Title: Tweet Me, Baby
Characters/Pairings: Sherlock, John, Mycroft, Moriarty, Lestrade, Molly, Mrs. Hudson, Irene Adler. Squint-and-you'll-miss-them allusions to almost all pairings, including, but not limited to, Sherlock/John and Irene/Everyone
Rating: PG13
Warnings: Reichenbach-spoilers, crack, mild swearing
Genre: Humor/Crack/Tweet!fic
Word-count: 1,600
Disclaimer: I don't own anything in relation to this.
A/N: I have not taken into account the limit of characters that a tweet or username can be on the actual twitter-website, so there might be some mistakes with that.
Summary: Following the events of The Reichenbach Fall, there is only one place John can go to cope. Twitter.

Johnw: John Watson

Secret_h: Sherlock Holmes

Umbrellaftw: Mycroft Holmes

Moriartea: Mystery user

Inspectorsex: Greg Lestrade

Landlady875: Mrs. Hudson

Notcrazycatperson: Molly Hooper

Cheekbones69: Irene Adler

-----

secret_h: @johnw happy birthday

johnw: @secret_h ??? Mycroft?

umbrellaftw: @johnw @secret_h ah, no john, this would be me

johnw: @umbrellaftw then who the hell is that???

umbrellaftw: @johnw i assure you i have no clue

johnw: @umbrellaftw... mycroft

umbrellaftw: @johnw yes john?

johnw: @umbrellaftw if it was someone, you know SOMEONE... you would tell me, right?

umbrellaftw: @johnw i can tell you already. it is most assuredly someone, as in a real person

johnw: @umbrellaftw Mycroft! thats not what i meant and you know it

umbrellaftw: @johnw ah, gotta go, secret meeting with the french, bye!

johnw: @umbrellaftw i really hate you

secret_h: @johnw i mizz you jooohn

johnw: @secret_h ....

johnw: i never should have gotten a twitter

johnw: its raining again

moriartea: @johnw why johnny, thats a rather gloomy line

johnw: @moriartea !!!!!

moriartea: @johnw oh, hello there

johnw: @moriartea !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

moriartea: @johnw your use of the exclamation mark shows most spectacular

johnw: @moriartea whoever you are just leave me alone!

moriartea: @johnw let me think about that... no

johnw: @moriartea you're not him. moriarty is dead

moriartea: @johnw yes, he is. i am his evil twin-brother moriarTEA!

johnw: @moriartea ... lestrade, is that you? are you drunk?

--not able to reach @moriartea as user @moriartea has been deleted --

secret_h: @johnw fixed that for you

johnw: @secret_h WHO ARE YOU?

umbrellaftw: @johnw @secret_h ah, quick interference john. sorry

johnw: @umbrellaftw @secret_h so he works for you?

secret_h: @johnw @umbrellaftw oh please, he wishes

umbrellaftw: @secret_h don't make me come over there!

johnw: @umbrellaftw mycroft i appreciate all you’ve done but please stay out of my life

johnw: @secret_h would you please tell me who you are?

secret_h: @umbrellaftw oh what are you going to do, sit on me?

johnw: @umbrellaftw @secret_h um you two...

umbrellaftw: @secret_h OH THATS IT

johnw: @umbrellaftw @secret_h could you please just answer my question?

umbrellaftw: @secret_h THAT MEANS WAR

secret_h: @umbrellaftw BRING IT

johnw: @umbrellaftw @secret_h no really i'd like some answers please

-- not able to reach @secret_h as user @secret_h has been deleted --

umbrellaftw: @secret_h ha! how do you like that? oh wait

-- not able to reach @umbrellaftw as user @umbrellaftw has been deleted --

johnw: this is a mad house

moriartea: @johnw HEY JOHNNY BOY

johnw: oh god...

secret_h: great, got knocked out again

umbrellaftw: @secret_h knocked out? huh it must be a day that ends in y

secret_h: @umbrellaftw VERY FUNNY MYCROFT

umbrellaftw: @secret_h i'm glad you perceive it too

secret_h: @umbrellaftw how about i tell everyone about how you wet the bed until you were 12?

umbrellaftw: @secret_h that would be a tad redundant now

umbrellaftw: @secret_h also you don't know that seeing as you DON'T KNOW ME #secretidentity #bloodyidiot

secret_h: @umbrellaftw ... oops

umbrellaftw: @secret_h this is why i don't invite you to my dinner parties. drunkard

cheekbones69: @johnw wanna have dinner?

johnw: @cheekbones69 irene??

cheekbones69: @johnw what was your first clue handsome?

johnw: @cheekbones69 the horror in the pit of my stomach

cheekbones69: @johnw you are such a smooth talker. wanna have dinner?

johnw: WHY IS EVERYONE DRUNK? #hatemylife #screwtwitter

umbrellaftw: @johnw want to come to a dinner party?

johnw: @umbrellaftw does 'dinner party' mean 'dinner party'?

umbrellaftw: @johnw of course 'dinner party' means 'dinner party’

johnw: @umbrellaftw oh thank god

umbrellaftw: @johnw you can just call me mycroft or mr. holmes or sir if you prefer

johnw: #headdesk

secret_h: @umbrellaftw OMG MYCROFT YOU CAN'T INVITE JOHN TO A DINNER PARTY

umbrellaftw: @secret_h of course i can. i just did

secret_h: @umbrellaftw john is my best friend not yours!

johnw: @umbrellaftw @secret_h i knew it! Sherlock!!

cheekbones69: @umbrellaftw @secret_h @johnw what??? where???

moriartea: @umbrellaftw @secret_h @johnw @cheekbones69 what did you just say???

johnw: @umbrellaftw @secret_h @cheekbones69 @moriartea oh crap

cheekbones69: @secret_h wanna have dinner?

umbrellaftw: brb hacking every computer in the world #mybrotheristheworst #andsoarehisfriends

notcrazycatperson: @johnw hey wanna come have coffee at the morgue today?

johnw: @notcrazycatperson i wonder when in my life that sentence stopped being disturbing

notcrazycatperson: @johnw heh, i know what you mean

notcrazycatperson: @johnw what do you mean?

johnw: @notcrazycatperson i'd love to have coffee today molly. we can discuss certain things

secret_h: @notcrazycatperson molly CODE RED!!

notcrazycatperson: @secret_h um which one was code red again?

secret_h: @notcrazycatperson its a bit ineffective to have codes if i have to explain them to you every time they're used

notcrazycatperson: @secret_h sorry sherlock

secret_h: @notcrazycatperson MOLLY!

notcrazycatperson: @secret_h whoops. sorry!

notcrazycatperson: @secret_h so what was code red?

secret_h: @notcrazycatperson john can't find out!

johnw: @secret_h @notcrazycatperson yeah i sort of already know

secret_h: @johnw all respect to your apparent abilities, but there is no way you can have seen past my genius on your own

johnw: @secret_h sort of didn't have to YOU'VE TWEETED ME

secret_h: @johnw oh really? WHO has tweeted you?

johnw: @secret_h lots of crazy people. among them sherlock holmes

secret_h: @johnw i am not crazy!

johnw: @secret_h HA! see?? you are sherlock!

secret_h: @johnw not necesarrily. the notion that i spoke against your statement just proves that i have tweeted you

secret_h: @johnw not that i am in any way related to this sherlock person of whom you speak

secret_h: @johnw he does sound dashing though

johnw: @secret_h oh just forget it

notcrazycatperson: @johnw so, coffee?

johnw: @notcrazycatperson yep, see you later

inspectorsex: @johnw why is there a cluedo board stuck to my wall?

johnw: @inspectorsex i really don't know. maybe sherlock did it

inspectorsex: @umbrellaftw you have to help me. i think john's lost it

umbrellaftw: @inspectorsex i have been saying that since the man made the decision to move in with my younger brother. the rest of you are just slow

inspectorsex: @umbrellaftw no i mean really wrong. i think he's in denial

umbrellaftw: @inspectorsex that is a perfectly normal aspect of the grieving process

inspectorsex: @umbrellaftw not at this point!

umbrellaftw: @inspectorsex lestrade are you in any way an expert on this matter?

inspectorsex: @umbrellaftw good grief...

umbrellaftw: @inspectorsex well?

inspectorsex: @umbrellaftw no

umbrellaftw: @inspectorsex so you see. everything is under control. i can handle john

johnw: @umbrellaftw @inspectorsex you guys do know that this conversation is public right?

umbrellaftw: @inspectorsex @johnw ...

inspectorsex: @johnw @umbrellaftw ...

johnw: @umbrellaftw @inspectorsex idiots

landlady875: @inspectorsex my dear gregor, sherlock is alive

umbrellaftw: @landlady875 mrs. hudson!

inspectorsex: @landlady875 please don't call me gregor...

secret_h: @landlady875 mrs. hudson!!!

inspectorsex: @landlady875 wait, what???

umbrellaftw: @landlady875 mrs. hudson!!!!!

secret_h: @landlady875 mrs hudson!!!!!!!!!!!!

inspectorsex: @landlady875 i don't understand...

umbrellaftw: @landlady875 mrs. hudson!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

landlady875: @inspectorsex you see, he merely faked it

secret_h: @landlady875 @inspectorsex NOT TRUE! SHERLOCK HOLMES IS DEAD. VERY DEAD.

secret_h: @notcrazycatperson MOLLY TELL THEM

notcrazycatperson: @inspectorsex @landlady875 right, sherlock is dead. i examined the body myself #heavyblinking

inspectorsex: @notcrazycatperson omg

umbrellaftw: @notcrazycatperson honestly molly, you can't even lie over the internet. i don't know what to do with you

inspectorsex: @umbrellaftw omg

secret_h: @notcrazycatperson @landlady875 you're ruining my super-secret plan!!!

landlady875: @secret_h sorry dear

inspectorsex: @landlady875 omg

notcrazycatperson: @secret_h sorry sherlock

secret_h: @notcrazycatperson YOU'RE DOING IT AGAIN

inspectorsex: @secret_h OMG!!!

cheekbones69: @johnw i'm so still offering dinner

johnw: @cheekbones69 go away. and aren't you supposed to be dead?

cheekbones69: @johnw oh please. staying dead is so last year. no-ones doing it anymore

moriartea: @johnw @cheekbones69 teehee

johnw: @moriartea @cheekbones69 OH DEAR LORD!!

johnw: i just hate the whole world and everyone in it

secret_h: @johnw :(

notcrazycatperson: @johnw :(

inspectorsex: @johnw :(

cheekbones69: @johnw :(

landlady875: @johnw :(

johnw: @secret_h @notcrazycatperson @inspectorsex @cheekbones69 GO AWAY

johnw: @landlady875 i still love you mrs. hudson

landlady875: @johnw wonderful (p.s still not your housekeeper)

secret_h: @johnw :( :( :( :( :(

notcrazycatperson: @johnw what did i ever do???

cheekbones69: @johnw you beat someone’s best friend with a riding crop once...

johnw: OMG I AM A KINDERGARDEN TEACHER @umbrellaftw is this how you feel?

umbrellaftw: @johnw all the time

moriartea: @johnw starting to come to the dark side i see johnny?

johnw: ….

secret_h: i am sherlock holmes

secret_h: i am THE sherlock holmes

secret_h: !!!!

secret_h: ....

secret_h: the weathers a bit foggy

secret_h: i am sherlock holmes.

secret_h: ITS BEEN AN HOUR WHY IS NO-ONE REACTING!!

landlady875: @secret_h because we already know. everyone knows

secret_h: @landlady875 not true! not everyone!

moriartea: @secret_h i did :) :) :)

secret_h: @moriartea stay. away. from. me

notcrazycatperson: @secret_h @landlady875 mrs. hudson is right. everyone already knew

inspectorsex: @secret_h @notcrazycatperson yep. i knew

cheekbones69: @secret_h i knew

johnw: @secret_h i knew. you bastard

umbrellaftw: @secret_h of course i knew. i know everything (and you told me)

secret_h: <_<

moriartea: @secret_h so much for your super-duper plan lover-boy

secret_h: @moriartea i hate you

secret_h: @johnw if i come home now, will you make tea for me?

secret_h: @johnw i'm sorry

secret_h: @johnw ehm... pretty please?

johnw: @secret_h bastard

secret_h: @johnw no my parents were married when... right

secret_h: @johnw so, tea?

johnw: @secret_h i hate you. but yeah, if you come home now, there's tea

secret_h: @johnw :D

johnw: @secret_h also, we are deleting our accounts and never using twitter again

secret_h: @johnw agreed

moriartea: @johnw @secret_h yep, sounds like a plan

secret_h: !!!!!!

johnw: !!!!!!

FIN