Fic: Dynamics of The Less Fortunate (Doctor Who) (Buffy)

[keep_counting]

Title: Dynamics of The Less Fortunate
Characters/Pairings: Rose/Ten, Anya/Xander
Rating: PG13
Warnings: Crack, a bit of swearing
Genre: Humour/Friendship/Crack/Crossover
Word-count: 833
Disclaimer: I don't own anything in relation to this.
A/N: Written for redcirce for International Women's Day 2012. She wanted Anya meeting the Tenth Doctor
Summary: Xander is not alone in his cell, and he is really wishing that Anya would just hurry up with the rescuing.

Xander is very aware that he is not alone in his cell.

Like, acutely and intensely aware of it.

“You’re not going to eat me, are you?” he asks.

“No,” the man next to him answers, and for a short moment Xander thinks he’s talking to Giles, because the British accent is a throw-off, and then his brain goes ‘Ethan? Ethan Rayne? Spike?’ but from what he can see through the darkness in the underground caves, this man looks nothing like either of his old enemies. Well, Buffy’s old enemies. No, his enemies too dammit!

“Good,” Xander mutters. “I feel much more comfortable about being trapped now… what is that sound?”

“Ssssshh,” the mad, British man hisses, the blue light from his… something illuminating his features for a short moment. Xander duly notes the crazy hair and long trench-coat. “I’m trying to get us out.”

“With… your buzzing flash-light?” Man, British people were strange.

“This,” the man says, turning around in irritation. “Is my sonic screwdriver. I made it myself, and it can do practically everything. Well, almost everything. A little bit of everything. A good deal of everything, certainly…”

Xander was really starting to wonder if the demon could just hurry the hell up and eat him first.

“But can it get us out?” he interrupted the man’s monologue.

“… No.”

“Ah.”

“Yes,”

Silence.

“It doesn’t do wood, you see.”

Xander supressed the urge to bang his head against the wall. Instead he opened his mouth to form a truly inappropriate joke, because really, what were last moments of your life for if not that?, when he got interrupted by a door somewhere slamming and running footsteps.

“It’s this way…” a familiar voice hissed, and the direction of the steps changed, leading them directly to…

“You are so lucky to have me,” Anya told him in precise tones, the keys to their cage dangling in her hand. There was a blonde woman beside her, but Xander was honestly more preoccupied with his, quite frankly, amazing demon-lover.

Apparently, so was the man beside him.

“That’s interesting!” he hissed, and was out of the cage almost before the door had even opened, standing way too close to Anya and peering at her, reaching into his pockets to pull out a pair of glasses and putting them on.

Anya frowned. “Could you go away so I can get some sex in thanks for just rescuing my boyfriend’s sorry behind?” she asked, batting at the blue-lighted device that the man was currently waving at her. “No, really, stop it. You’re very annoying.”

“Um… Doctor…” the other woman started, clearly not happy about being ignored.

“Yes, he definitely needs one,” Anya nodded. “Did you hurt your head, mister?”

“Did D’Hoffryn recruit you?”

Anya blinked, clearly taken aback. “Yes! How did you…?”

“Oh, it’s easy really,” the man prattled on, practically bouncing in place. “I’ve met the lad once, well, maybe twice, but do attempted murders really count? Anyway, we had dinner and chatted for a while, he’s quite friendly once you get past the whole demonic thing, but you know, we had to set some boundaries, he couldn’t just go around turning every human that struck his fancy into a hideous monster…”

“Hey!” Anya shrieked, almost exactly at the same time as Xander shriek - manly yelled the same.

“You can slap him if you want,” the other woman offered.

“Rose!” the man pouted at her, and really, it was one hell of a pout, Xander had to give him that: like a puppy eating a rainbow, enough to melt your bones.

He really needed to stop hanging out with all these chicks.

“No,” the woman – Rose – said, stepping to stand beside Anya, placing both females menacingly into the man’s personal space. “You got captured, and left me to fend for myself in this hell-hole of a city until Anya comes up and offers help, and then we got rid of that… that thing, whatever it was…”

“Vampire,” Anya helpfully offered.

“Yes, Doctor, a vampire, and you missed it, but we got it without your help and managed to bust you out as well – so you know what that means!”

“Aw, no, no shopping!” the Doctor yelled. Xander shuddered in sympathy for the other man.

“Yes, shopping,” Rose turned to Anya. “Thank-you so much for your help. It was nice meeting you,” she grabbed hold of the Doctor’s hand and sent a quick smile in Xander’s direction before dragging him off. “Be seeing you again I hope!”

“Oh, I hope so too!” Anya shouted after her. “Be sure to smack him.”

“I will!”

Xander couldn’t help but laugh, because really, what else did you do in a messed up situation like this? Also, he’d quite suddenly remembered why he hung out with all these frankly amazing females.

Anya walked over and fitted her hand snugly in his.

“You can take me shopping as well,” she told him. Xander sighed.

Right. That’s why being the lone male sucked.